Monday, May 30, 2011
Provence - Je T'Aime
Un petit curtsy of gratitude for your patience and your gentle nudges (to those who sent email) wondering what was up with La Fourchette. The unintended absence was due in part to an abundance of work and a curious derangement that has landed on my little French life.
I suspect that the current state of disorientation and disorganization that I'm feeling is due to one of the many manifestations that grief can take on. My father's death did not bring up a sense of sadness - but for the passage of a life - as he had suffered for so long with Alzheimer's disease. Relief seemed to be more in order for the release from the agony and lack of dignity that this maladie brings to its victims.
What has descended upon me is a very intense spaciness that was quite unexpected. My entire life feels re-arranged somehow. These days have been spent as if I'm walking around in a familiar inner space but all of the furniture has been moved and every kitchen drawer has been switched around.
Having said that (doesn't that expression usually mean everything that has come before will now be placed in some sort of conditional context or negated altogether?), in this process of disruption there have been a few things that have remained unchanged: I received an extra bouquet of flowers from my favorite flower vendor at the market; my popular poissonier tossed a few extra shrimp into my bag; and my adorable fromager gave me a very generous discount on a recent purchase of thisses and thats - including, of course, cheese. Such events serve to steady a wobbly soul that has experienced her share of ups and downs in the recent past.
On such days, when I'm not swamped by countless pebble-sized-but-they-feel-like-boulders frustrations, I could give Provence affectionate bises on both cheeks...just to thank her for all the petit-rien-but-they-feel-like-diamonds gifts that fill my little French life.
We may as well start back at it right here.